It's finally time for me to shut this blog down, not one of the easiest of decisions to make but one that is very key for me and "Blackberry" to move on with our lives.
Losing a loved one is not an easy thing and nothing on earth prepares you for it - it's even harder if the loved one you are losing is a baby that dies at birth. Dies before knowing anything good or bad about this world.
Others might think it should be easy because it was a baby that we did not get to know so there was not so much of an attachment...
I knew this baby since the first day "Blackberry" (Blackberry is my wife's nickname) told me she is pregnant...my life somewhat literally revolved around this baby and after losing two pregnancies before this I was so excited when we hit month four because I knew finally I was going to hold my baby in my own hands.
It was not just about the excitement, we worked hard to ensure our house which was still under construction was baby friendly. Spent every single dime we had on the finishing and making the baby's room.
Like I said in the previous post, the baby literally had 10 times more clothes than I do and she was still 5 months away!
Then I started this blog...I hoped that one day I would pass it on to my baby and that she would grow to be an awesome writer some day.
Then the sad day came...I remember going out into the hospital lobby after receiving news that my baby will not come out alive. The doctor said it very calmly...as he sympathized with "Blaackberry" and myself.
I held her hand tightly, kissed her in the forehead and told her it will all be fine.
I could not show my emotions...I could not cry, I needed to be strong for her.
At the lobby I told my family about what had just happened via our whatsapp group. Earlier on when I told them we were at the hospital they were so excited and were already coming up with baby names. If the baby were a boy my cousins had long decided it was going to be "Ian Ominde"...I will thank Coca-Cola for the name (long story but it has everything to do with the Share a Coke campaign).
But why were we even guessing the sex, we should have known already?
Well when the last ultrasound was done about 3 weeks before this day, the baby was not in a good position so the sex was not clearly visible, in fact the docs were more concerned with changing the baby's position so we did not know until this day - but it wasn't going to be a boy.
After talking to my cousins I called my dad then my boss.....
The following morning I was half man and half robot, I barely took notice of anything that happened around me. My first stop was at the hospital to get "Blackberry" a few stuff she needed.I was told the baby had been taken to the morgue and that would be the beginning of the process to lay her to rest.
Nothing prepares you for planning your child's burial, the fact that my wife was still in hospital did not make anything better. I had hardly slept a wink through the night.
My friends were just getting to terms with the news and my phone was constantly buzzing...I ignored a few of the calls. I had serious planning to do and answering phone calls was not going to make things easier to me.
My elder bro was kind enough to give me his car to run around because there was evidently going to be a lot of running around.
The workaholic in me first had to stop by the office first though just to make sure nothing stops while I am away. Everybody was nice and sympathetic...for once everyone was offering to make me tea. I hid in my office (which is very open) and once or twice let a tear drop.
I had no idea where I was going to start but I knew we would lay the baby to rest on the same day. Pushing it further would have just made the pain worse.
My small bro managed to get an off from work from mid day that meant I would have someone to help in the afternoon.
A friend sent me cash for fuel so I left the office and decided to fuel the car first, as I was fueling another friend from the US sent me cash as well. I hadn't had time to go to my bank but while fueling I got notification that my salary had just reflected as well...it was 3rd of March. It looked like I was financially sorted for what stood ahead but I was still fatigued and clueless on what I need to do.
I needed to get a coffin for the baby, I did not know where or how so I called dad and he found someone to make the coffin and I told him that I was sending him cash in an hour, before I could do that my family sorted out the cost of the coffin.
My facebook was blazing with messages of sympathies and my phone was continually buzzing...my day got busier and busier and so much busier trying to coordinate the burial plans and getting the baby out of the morgue.
My wife wanted to get out of the hospital to go bury the baby with us but the doctors won't let her, she was going mad crying and creating scenes at the ward. I understood her pain....my patience was running out too and I started becoming very hot tempered.
I was lucky enough that my small bro had joined me by this time. He had actually took time off from a very important board meeting at work...at some point he had to leave us later on to catch the meeting because some of his Directors from Netherlands were getting very impatient.
When we finally went to the morgue to get the baby, there were quite a number of friends waiting for us. I was surprised that so many people had showed up for someone they did not even know...others still were already on their way to our home.
We got home around 3 PM dug a grave and my good friend Pastor Buodo of Dominion Chapel presided over the burial of our baby.
Sad that we had to lay her to rest without "Blackberry"....I can't begin to imagine her pain at that moment.
I was glad that my family, friends and colleagues showed up for me.
We laid the little angel near the house...not a single day do I get out of that house without glancing at the fresh grave in my compound and imagining what a beautiful girl she would have grown up to be.
She had my hair....or so I'm told. She looked very beautiful in her sleep. I still ask why she had to go...I still pray for her everyday and pray for her mother.
Moving on has not been easy, everyday that grave constantly reminds us of the joy that she could have brought in our lives.
Her death though has made us stronger, more prayerful...it has also made us to deeply love each other because the pain that it brought to both of us, no one else would understand.
I miss her, we miss her everyday but we are still trusting God that in his own time he will make things right.
We are grateful to all our friends and family and colleagues who stood with us during that time and still stand with us as we try to move on. To our pastor friend who pray with us and for us...we are grateful to God for giving us the strength.
Rest In Peace sweet Angel.
You can read my other blog post on "Ominde's World."
Losing a loved one is not an easy thing and nothing on earth prepares you for it - it's even harder if the loved one you are losing is a baby that dies at birth. Dies before knowing anything good or bad about this world.
Others might think it should be easy because it was a baby that we did not get to know so there was not so much of an attachment...
I knew this baby since the first day "Blackberry" (Blackberry is my wife's nickname) told me she is pregnant...my life somewhat literally revolved around this baby and after losing two pregnancies before this I was so excited when we hit month four because I knew finally I was going to hold my baby in my own hands.
It was not just about the excitement, we worked hard to ensure our house which was still under construction was baby friendly. Spent every single dime we had on the finishing and making the baby's room.
Like I said in the previous post, the baby literally had 10 times more clothes than I do and she was still 5 months away!
Then I started this blog...I hoped that one day I would pass it on to my baby and that she would grow to be an awesome writer some day.
Then the sad day came...I remember going out into the hospital lobby after receiving news that my baby will not come out alive. The doctor said it very calmly...as he sympathized with "Blaackberry" and myself.
I held her hand tightly, kissed her in the forehead and told her it will all be fine.
I could not show my emotions...I could not cry, I needed to be strong for her.
At the lobby I told my family about what had just happened via our whatsapp group. Earlier on when I told them we were at the hospital they were so excited and were already coming up with baby names. If the baby were a boy my cousins had long decided it was going to be "Ian Ominde"...I will thank Coca-Cola for the name (long story but it has everything to do with the Share a Coke campaign).
But why were we even guessing the sex, we should have known already?
Well when the last ultrasound was done about 3 weeks before this day, the baby was not in a good position so the sex was not clearly visible, in fact the docs were more concerned with changing the baby's position so we did not know until this day - but it wasn't going to be a boy.
After talking to my cousins I called my dad then my boss.....
The following morning I was half man and half robot, I barely took notice of anything that happened around me. My first stop was at the hospital to get "Blackberry" a few stuff she needed.I was told the baby had been taken to the morgue and that would be the beginning of the process to lay her to rest.
Nothing prepares you for planning your child's burial, the fact that my wife was still in hospital did not make anything better. I had hardly slept a wink through the night.
My friends were just getting to terms with the news and my phone was constantly buzzing...I ignored a few of the calls. I had serious planning to do and answering phone calls was not going to make things easier to me.
My elder bro was kind enough to give me his car to run around because there was evidently going to be a lot of running around.
The workaholic in me first had to stop by the office first though just to make sure nothing stops while I am away. Everybody was nice and sympathetic...for once everyone was offering to make me tea. I hid in my office (which is very open) and once or twice let a tear drop.
I had no idea where I was going to start but I knew we would lay the baby to rest on the same day. Pushing it further would have just made the pain worse.
My small bro managed to get an off from work from mid day that meant I would have someone to help in the afternoon.
A friend sent me cash for fuel so I left the office and decided to fuel the car first, as I was fueling another friend from the US sent me cash as well. I hadn't had time to go to my bank but while fueling I got notification that my salary had just reflected as well...it was 3rd of March. It looked like I was financially sorted for what stood ahead but I was still fatigued and clueless on what I need to do.
I needed to get a coffin for the baby, I did not know where or how so I called dad and he found someone to make the coffin and I told him that I was sending him cash in an hour, before I could do that my family sorted out the cost of the coffin.
My facebook was blazing with messages of sympathies and my phone was continually buzzing...my day got busier and busier and so much busier trying to coordinate the burial plans and getting the baby out of the morgue.
My wife wanted to get out of the hospital to go bury the baby with us but the doctors won't let her, she was going mad crying and creating scenes at the ward. I understood her pain....my patience was running out too and I started becoming very hot tempered.
I was lucky enough that my small bro had joined me by this time. He had actually took time off from a very important board meeting at work...at some point he had to leave us later on to catch the meeting because some of his Directors from Netherlands were getting very impatient.
When we finally went to the morgue to get the baby, there were quite a number of friends waiting for us. I was surprised that so many people had showed up for someone they did not even know...others still were already on their way to our home.
We got home around 3 PM dug a grave and my good friend Pastor Buodo of Dominion Chapel presided over the burial of our baby.
Sad that we had to lay her to rest without "Blackberry"....I can't begin to imagine her pain at that moment.
I was glad that my family, friends and colleagues showed up for me.
We laid the little angel near the house...not a single day do I get out of that house without glancing at the fresh grave in my compound and imagining what a beautiful girl she would have grown up to be.
She had my hair....or so I'm told. She looked very beautiful in her sleep. I still ask why she had to go...I still pray for her everyday and pray for her mother.
Moving on has not been easy, everyday that grave constantly reminds us of the joy that she could have brought in our lives.
Her death though has made us stronger, more prayerful...it has also made us to deeply love each other because the pain that it brought to both of us, no one else would understand.
I miss her, we miss her everyday but we are still trusting God that in his own time he will make things right.
We are grateful to all our friends and family and colleagues who stood with us during that time and still stand with us as we try to move on. To our pastor friend who pray with us and for us...we are grateful to God for giving us the strength.
Rest In Peace sweet Angel.
You can read my other blog post on "Ominde's World."
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